I do not mean, in any way, to discourage romantic evenings, time alone together, expressions of caring and affection, sexy outfits, candlelit meals, meaningful gifts. In my mind, every one of them is a treasure when they are done to make the other happy, and/or to reconnect you both or to savor your moments together.
but what I personally value most are the cost-free gifts that come on the other 364 days of the year, such as when my husband of 37 years, todd, stops whatever he is immersed in when I come home, to greet me and hug and kiss me. or when he wrote me a letter
on my birthday a few years ago, listing 20 things he loved about me. or when he calls during the day just to say he loves me. I’ll take another 50 years of those, and forsake the roses and Godiva chocolates and expensive jewelry. or, come to think of it, I’ll gladly take them all!
But many couples find themselves barely coping, rather than thriving, and gifts of either the pricey or the priceless type are nowhere to be found.
A number of years ago, my husband and I were going through a hard time together and were arguing a lot. because of this, I needed a lot of space from him, and we both began feeling disconnected and victimized by the other. so I spent some time meditating, so that I could have some inner calm and clarity. At last, I initiated a conversation that got us back on track, better than ever.
Here is the speeded up version of that conversation that took place over about 5 days.
“I really want both of us to feel more respected, more connected and more loved. What if we went away for a weekend marriage retreat so we can clear the air between us and revive our love and caring?” “No way?. Marriage retreat is not your thing?” “If that’s the case, what would you be interested or willing to do so we can both be happier together?”
“Not sure? I’m going to start working with a relationship coach to help me see what I can be doing to add more loving feelings to our life together; if you decide you would like to join me, I would be very happy; until then, I am willing to go alone.”
After mulling it over for a few days, todd willingly participated, and we both became empowered with resources for and experiences of strengthening our connection, communication and revived passion!
my specialty is how to hold effective conversations that move your connection forward, as well as how to easily infuse priceless gifts into your relationship, from which you both benefit.

©Annette Carpien, 2009. Annette is a marriage educator and relationship coach, and offers private and group programs and coaching for singles and for couples. She can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 610-428-2755.